When you get to the fork in the road…

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“Hey Mollie, member me telling you about Skibootch’s goofy ways? Well get this… He just went off the charts. He’s sittin there with Father O”Doul when Father asks him: “Skibootch, where are you goin with your life? You’re always hanging around McGuinty’s or doin your own jig wherever it pleases you. You gotta settle down boy. You gotta make something good out of yourself. You gotta farm with lots of cows and bulls. You gotta great project goin turning manure into fertilizer. You got lots of manure and you can change the world and make a million to boot. You gotta choose. What road are you gonna take?”

Ya know Father, I was goin over in me mind exactly that, when I just happened to hear one of my favorite ballplayers tell a reporter how he deals with stuff like that. He says: “When there’s fork in the road – take it…”

Well, I got to thinkin maybe he’s right. Don’t bother goin down one road or the other, cause you might miss out on something good. Just stay right there on the fork and look down each road. Look down with a pair of binoculars. You can see both up close and far away with them – it depends on which end you look through. You get different views.

Far away views, close up views, all kinds of views. Roads –schmoads , who cares? I can take it all in without working. That suits me temperament completely. You remember how you used to say I had “lazitis?” Well I still do. Taking the fork lets me whoop it up here at McGuinty’s with my friends, and do my thing all at the same time. Hey, what more do I want?

I like the music and laughter at McGuinty’s – you know all these crazy Micks with their fiddles and arguments and all kinds of blather, and most important all the interesting stories that everyone tells. I get more kicks out of those than I would get out of working real hard to go down some unknown road.

Listen Father, I get the best of the best without really busting my hump. Perfect, I say, and I’ll be pleasing meself more than you can ever know. Besides, its all over so quick anyway, I don’t want to ever say to meself, I invested all me time going down one road.

No, Father, I’ll not mend me wanderin ways for the sake of “making good” of meself. I get more good out of finding it than I do doing it, anyway.  And, where I find what is real is here at McGuinty’s and at me farm. Here with my friends, and the farm where I can turn manure into fertilizer and pay me bills all at the same time. I ain’t interested in making a million. Someone would always be tryin to rob me anyway, and I would have hire body guards and get an alarm system. Way too complicated for the likes of me.

It’s simple I am, and simple I prefer to be. I’ll not drive down either road, but will be checking out as many as I can right here from the fork.”

“Well OK, Skibootch as you say, but I’m thinkin you better be doin it in a Honda, so you shall always be in Accord…”

“You mean that car I been drivin for the past seven years? The one I got to sell to get McGuinty off me back for all the bar tabs I owed? I’d not seen it for several days, and had no clue where to look for it. It’s was a great mystery indeed.”

“You don’t need to find a Honda you can’t pay for. You probably would be better off finding a Ford you could afford. You gotta think more about makin something of yourself, and not just be sittin around here all the time and wearing out the barstools.”

“Well you know Father, I have not only to only pay up with McGuinty, but big Earthquake McGoon the Repo man is after me as well. I’m three months back in me payments. You know where I’d be if he ever caught up with me. I might have to Escalade over the wall So it’s scarce I’ll be for a while, and not out there workin me tail off just to pay off a few car notes.

Where I want to go is someplace where the big guy can’t find me. I was even thinkin of getting a Plymouth Voyager and going out to sea, or maybe finding an old Nash Rambler and ride off into the sunset. Or I might even gallop into cowboy country in a Ford Bronco.”

“My boy, I know where they’ll never find you. I saw a bunch of people whispering to each other the other day. They were unable to recognize a brand new fancy car that had all the latest features. You need to get a Buick. It’s a mystery car. You’ll be fine. Nobody knows it’s a Buick, not even the Repo man…”