The Moosetery

[Total: 0    Average: 0/5]
by Robert Whelan

It always seems like it never rains, but what it pours, except in Snowsville.

On this particular rainy day, Skibootch O’Faolain was warming up his constantly bloviated chops at McGuinty’s Saloon after McGuinty had admonished him about settling his long overdue tab. Skibootch’s “Day late and dollar short” proclivity had inspired Mc Guinty to threaten a credit cutoff. Furthermore, he was upset over McGuinty’s sudden blush of aristocracy. Nothing puts off an Irishman more than someone who puts on airs.

Skibootch, being offended by McGuinty’s public display, gathered together Mick and Father O”Doul at the far end of the bar and delivered his story of what he will now be calling Shamus McGuinty. Skibootch was not one to allow his humiliation to hang out on the line without recompense. Always an equal opportunity character-assassin.

He started out proclaiming: “Shamus McGuinty had just gotten big for his britches and was now putting on the airs of the upper class. But, let me tell you, right here and now, he got there the old fashioned way. Marrying a very rich lady, he did. So then with all that he decides to enter high society by buying a fancy mansion on swank hill.”

“So he goes about it by, among other things, hiring a high falutin’ butler to tend to the affairs of this grand manor. He also invests in a full time gardener to reinvigorate the various gardens and plantings on his estate. Finally, he goes about ordering supplies for his household and garden, including a load of fresh rich cow dung from me, Skibootch O’Faolain. “

“So later on that day I arrives at his fancy mansion with a generous truckload of me finest cow manure. I pulled me overflowing truck up on the neatly manicured driveway, and rang the front door bell.”

Bing Bong, Bing Bong, Bong Bing, Bing Bong…

“Soon, an immaculate and well-dressed butler appears. Here’s what the fancy butler says to me: “

“You are at the residence of Squire Shah-Moose McGuinty. We do not allow service people or servants at this door. Go to the servant’s entrance at the rear. Someone will be there to direct you. “

“Let me tell you what I told that fancy man.”

“Service entrance is it? Shah-Moose is it? Well you go tell Squah-hire, Shah-Moose that Skah -bootch is here with his load of Shah-hit, and he’s da-humpin it right in the middle of his fancy, lace curtain, frah-hunt yard.”