Skibootch’s Getaway (Tales of a Salty Dog)

[Total: 0    Average: 0/5]
“Hey Mollie, member me telling you about Skibootch’s runnin from the Repo man? Member me tellin you about him maybe going out to sea in a Plymouth Voyager? You know, when he was wantin to go someplace where he couldn’t be found. Well, the lamebrain was just tellin McGuinty about one of his Irish ancestors, “Brendan the Navigator,” and how he went out in a small boat and discovered America. A place he called Paradise and where nobody ever knew about his discovery until this old Irish monk wrote about it. So when Christopher Columbus came along at a later time, he already knew Brendan’s story but he went ahead and claimed he discovered America, anyway. Some others, like the early Vikings thought they even had been to North America itself. The Vikings claimed they got here long before Columbus, too.

Skibootch was fillin McGuinty’s ear on how he was thinking of sailing out into the Atlantic there where McGoon would never find him. He was askin him, since he knew everything anyway, if he might know how to get to some faraway place there.

Well, wouldn’t you know it but sittin nearby was Ike Ginsberg having a beer. While he’s sittin there a Chinese guy comes in and sits beside him. They introduce themselves and the Chinaman orders a beer and starts a conversation with Ike. They sat there for a while listenin to Skibootch’s crazy talk goin on and started addin their ten cents worth. Pretty soon the place was really hoppin with all of its usual nonsensical arguments. Skibooth and the rest shoutin and hollerin like it was donnybrook time.

Well, sure enough it was. Cause all of a sudden Ike hauls off and flattens the Chinaman, for what appeared to be no reason at all. The Chinaman groggily got back up on the bar stool and said: “Why you hit me like that?” Ginsberg looks at him and says: “That’s for Pearl Harbor –you goddam Jap.”

The Chinaman sits there for a while and finally looks at Ike and says:
“Me no Jap, me Chinese. “

Ike looks at him and says: “Chinese, Japanese, you all look alike to me!”

So the Chinaman, gets back up on his stool and they resume their conversation, and soon they’re listening to Skibootch still goin on about the Irish sailing their boats across the Atlantic and being the first Europeans to discover North America. He’s blabbing away about how they had to dodge icebergs, and endure stormy seas in their crossings and how difficult and wondrous it was all at the same time.

So, while Skibootch is merrily blabbing away, out of the blue the Chinaman hauls off and flattens Ike.”

Ike lays on the floor for a long time, and finally groggily gets back up on his barstool. He looks at the Chinaman, and says: “What was that all about? So why did you hit me?”

“That was for the Titanic.”

The Chinaman then went on: “They were talking about boats and icebergs, and all of a sudden it came to me that you sank the Titanic.”

Ike said: I didn’t sink the Titanic, an Iceberg did.”

The Chinaman then said: “Iceberg- Ginsberg, they all sound alike to me…”